Spoiled

Am I spoiled? A brat? Just plain arrogant?

Maybe I’m raging with hormones, or even insecure and trying to cover it up. I don’t know.

All I know is that I want sex. NOW… (or, preferably, yesterday). How fucking hard can it be for a young woman to get laid? I’m not ugly, nor antisocial, nor in a relationship. What the fuck do I do wrong?

Then again, I have only been single for a few months, so what do I know. Maybe men are just not looking for no-strings-attached sex, and want a loving and meaningful relationship. (I’m not being sarcastic here, really. It’s just that right now I’d hate for that to be true.)

But god, do I miss being in a relationship. Not the whole fuzzy-sweet cuddly stuff (I have friends who can tell me they love me), not having someone to talk to. I like being on my own right now. I just miss having someone for sex, whenever I want, wherever I want. I miss having someone longing for my body. I miss having a guy who is willing to skip lectures, work and parties in order to fuck me. I was kind of used to that you know.

Told you I’m a spoiled brat…

And there I was, thinking I had the answer to it all: a fuckbuddy. Not just any, but a good friend, whom I like a lot, I dance with so I meet him often, and who hasn’t had sex in a few years. Should be perfect don’t you think? Me dying to fuck him, him dying to fuck me. Or so I thought… Must have been wrong there: doesn’t sound like you want sex when you take your fuckbuddy to the train after she hinted that she definitely wouldn’t mind missing the last train and sleep over. Seriously: what better plans can you have on a Saturday night? Doubts started entering my mind: Am I lousy in bed, boring, unattractive, too obvious?

So here I am, Sunday morning, bruised ego and raging with hormones. First time in my life I really feel single. Now what?