Train wrack
June 30, 2008
Oh dear..
I did see it coming, now I truly screwed it up. Remember Fling Guy, the guy I’ve slept with for a few months now? I knew I was falling for him, but I was truly hoping he wouldn’t fall for me. Yet, since yesterday it’s out in the open: even though we don’t want to, we are (somewhat, I’m hesitant) in love with each other. Damn!
There are a million reasons we shouldn’t be together. For instance: we’re both on the rebound, I’ll be moving to the UK in a few months, we’re both not looking for a relationship (or anything resembling monogamy of that matter). But mostly, it’s because I’m just to tough. If you’re in a relationship with me you’d better be strong, because I tend to walk all over the people I love. Isn’t that horrible?? And I know he can’t handle that (and so does he, we’ve talked about this). FG admits he probably isn’t strong enough for this, and I so don’t want to hurt him! We both know that this somewhat-relationship will end a total train wrack.
Now there are a few options on what to do now:
1: Just go on the way we have: a completely-fake not-relationship that will blow up in our faces. Plus; how long can you fake this when you’ve said you love each other?
2: I’ll try to be nice… This will work for a while, but it’ll be fake. One day I’ll explode and say all the things I should have said before. And FG will end up hurt.
3: Stop it right now. Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen… I should, but it’s just too much fun. He is so great and special (and the sex is amazing, how could I quit?)
And then FG came with a brilliant fourth option:
4: Complete and utter train wrack. Don’t you just love fatalism in a man? His idea is: going on having sex, being friends and loving each other. And at the same time sleeping around a lot (!!), and talking about that together. It’s genius: when you aim for disaster, then horrible will feel less bad. God, I love this plan, and the sick mind that came up with it!
But please, is there a fifth option? Something we didn’t think about? Something that will make all the trainwracks go away? I’m lost, I really need some advice.
July 5, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Oh my, Lilith… That’s a tough one. I’ve spent months vainly trying to find that bloody 5th solution with another Lilith and another FG.
But there MUST be one. Come on, there should be at least a few other options that typical Lilith’s brains somehow don’t have access to.(I’ll come back to you when the light strikes.)
I really hope things turn out ok for you though. Enjoy everything while you can, don’t do anything you could regret later on, but don’t restrain yourself from enjoying your time with FG by looking for that 5th option. Carpe diem, I’d say!
Easier said than done, I know…
And WHAT you’re moving to the UK what??? Now, that’s fate: we are meant to meet up!
July 6, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Thanks Lilith, that’s really sweet advice. And I should truly try the carpe diem thing, it might just work!I’d love to hear a fifth option if you come up with one though…
And we’ve just made things worse, but I’ll write more on that later.
Haha, yes, I’m really coming to the UK in September, to England even to be more specific. Just studying for a term. Fate, you say? I’m sure fate meant you to show me around London nightlife, don’t you?
July 13, 2008 at 4:09 am
Well Lilith, I’ve got sucked in to reading your blog as well now…must be something to do with the name. Anyway, isn’t the fifth option (best) friend with benefits? Or fringe benefits. I mean, I love my friends, and I’m assuming you do too. So just agree that you’ll be friends with benefits…you get to be honest with each other, overlook the occasional hurt you cause one another (that’s what proper friends do/are for) and still have great sex (the benefits part). It’s in essence your 4th option I guess, but just not laid out in those terms. Or without looking at it as a train wreck. Although perhaps the talking about it part doesn’t need to be in detail to avoid too much jealousy/anger.
Just a thought…hope it works out anyway.
DR