Train wrack

Oh dear..

I did see it coming, now I truly screwed it up. Remember Fling Guy, the guy I’ve slept with for a few months now? I knew I was falling for him, but I was truly hoping he wouldn’t fall for me. Yet, since yesterday it’s out in the open: even though we don’t want to, we are (somewhat, I’m hesitant) in love with each other. Damn!

There are a million reasons we shouldn’t be together. For instance: we’re both on the rebound, I’ll be moving to the UK in a few months, we’re both not looking for a relationship (or anything resembling monogamy of that matter). But mostly, it’s because I’m just to tough. If you’re in a relationship with me you’d better be strong, because I tend to walk all over the people I love. Isn’t that horrible?? And I know he can’t handle that (and so does he, we’ve talked about this). FG admits he probably isn’t strong enough for this, and I so don’t want to hurt him! We both know that this somewhat-relationship will end a total train wrack.

Now there are a few options on what to do now:

1: Just go on the way we have: a completely-fake not-relationship that will blow up in our faces. Plus; how long can you fake this when you’ve said you love each other?

2: I’ll try to be nice… This will work for a while, but it’ll be fake. One day I’ll explode and say all the things I should have said before. And FG will end up hurt.

3: Stop it right now. Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen… I should, but it’s just too much fun. He is so great and special (and the sex is amazing, how could I quit?)

And then FG came with a brilliant fourth option:

4: Complete and utter train wrack. Don’t you just love fatalism in a man? His idea is: going on having sex, being friends and loving each other. And at the same time sleeping around a lot (!!), and talking about that together. It’s genius: when you aim for disaster, then horrible will feel less bad. God, I love this plan, and the sick mind that came up with it!

But please, is there a fifth option? Something we didn’t think about? Something that will make all the trainwracks go away? I’m lost, I really need some advice.